| Overview | Transcript |
Gayle Gossip: Hi there, podcast listeners! I'm NGTV's Gayle Gossip and you're moments away from the next episode of Crossroads' Crosstalk. In this episode, the hosts visit All-Realm Antiques Emporium. While you listen, grab your Lego bricks and build an antique you'd like to see there. Once you're done, use the Lego Play app and upload a photo of your creation using the hashtag "Crosstalk". Now on with the show.
(Jaunty music plays.)
Lobbo: Hello! Welcome to the only podcast where the roads and the talk cross together to keep you informed and entertained. It's time for Crossroads' Crosstalk, Lobbo-Lobbo!
(Crossroads' Crosstalk theme plays.)
Kreel: Crossroads' Crosstalk.
Lobbo: I'm your co-host, Lobbo, live from the streets of the Crossroads for a one-robot investigative report. Kreel wishes she could be here, but she can't, Lobbo-Lobbo.
(Slight static.)
Kreel: Kreel here, cutting into the feed from the studio. Fact check, Lobbo's wrong. I could be there, I just don't wanna be!
Lobbo: Because when Kreel found out this story needed to be reported on location, she said "You can do this Lobbo, I believe in you!"
Kreel: Fact check, I said, "Do whatever you want, I can't be bothered."
Lobbo: But I'm hoping maybe Kreel will check in later, Lobbo-Lobbo.
Kreel: Fact check, I will not be checking in later. I'm gonna eat noodles and take a nap. Kreel out!
(Disconnection sound.)
Lobbo: (Laughs.) Such a kidder! But before we delve deeper into today's story, it's time for News from the Crossroads!
(News broadcast music plays.)
Kreel: News from the Crossroads.
Lobbo: This weekend, the Crossroads Public Library will host a reading by Mr. Frohicky from his new autobiography "From Tadpole to Assistant Keeper of the Monastery: A Fateful Journey." (Ribbit sound.) It's the story of his rise from the swamps with recipes included in each chapter. Don't miss it, Lobbo-Lobbo! Lobbo is almost to the location where our story will begin. But first, a word from our sponsor...
Sponsorship Jingle: Blandville Bistro. You'll forget you ate here.
Lobbo: Like food? Who doesn't? But sick of food being ruined with flavor? When you just wanna ingest enough sustenance to continue living, without being distracted by frivolous texture, aroma, and mouthfeel? The Blandville Bistro is the place for you - making food you'll barely remember eating! Their highly trained kitchen staff remove almost one hundred percent of the distracting elements usually associated with food. Your taste buds will say, "Was that even edible?" Blandville Bistro: Bland has never been better, Lobbo-Lobbo!
Sponsorship Jingle: Blandville Bistro. You'll forget you ate here.
Lobbo: Now, as I travel through town, let Lobbo set the stage for today's story - the competitive world of antiques merchants, Lobbo-Lobbo. We're here to meet Fedulian, owner of the All-Realm Antiques Emporium. Let's listen in as he talks to a customer, Lobbo-Lobbo.
Fedulian: Why would I sell a cursed item? If you got mysterious rashes and started seeing ghosts, check with your landlord. It's probably caused by mold in your home, not tied to your purchase of Prince Habilet's Cursed Mirror. Also, no refunds.
(Distance groan as a door closes.)
Lobbo: Fedulian! It's me, Lobbo-Lobbo!
Fedulian: Ugh. Why are you here? Still angry the Toaster of Absolute Happiness I sold you didn't make you any happier?
Lobbo: No. I'm investigating reports of mysterious merchant sabotage. Tell us what happened, Lobbo-Lobbo.
Fedulian: Ugh, gladly. As your listeners surely know, I, Fedulian, am the Crossroads' Premiere Antiques dealer.
Lobbo: And I'm sure there's no truth to the rumors Kreel spreads about you selling stolen good, Lobbo-Lobbo.
Fedulian: I challenge anyone to prove that which they'll find impossible to do, because my suppliers often mysteriously disappear when the authorities check into my shop. I have no idea why.
Lobbo: So, what challenges are merchants like you facing, Lobbo-Lobbo?
Fedulian: Well, some miscreant recently put up a sign outside my store that said, "Fedulian's best friend is Clutch Powers." Hah! Do you know how it feels to be associated with that selfish blowhard?!
Lobbo: For new listeners, Clutch Powers is a famous adventurer, though many have quibbles about his bravery. Did your sales fall, Lobbo-Lobbo?
Fedulian: Well, no, sales increased. Clutch Powers, while wildly inept, does collect rare and valuable objects, but think of my reputation! And the sign was only the beginning! One morning, I came out to sell my street wares, and they'd all been replaced by plush octopuses.
Lobbo: Gasp! An octo-prank, Lobbo-Lobbo!
Fedulian: It was juvenile and criminal. But once again, this plan backfired because I sold every one of those eight-legged plushie nightmares as "rare Merlopian sleep aids"!
Lobbo: Do you have suspicions about who might be behind this, Lobbo-Lobbo?
Fedulian: Yes. A new shop opened down the road, Ton-Rap's Every-Realm Antiques Establishment. As soon as it opened, the sabotage began. So, I hit back! I put up a sign on their store claiming they are also friends with Clutch Powers. Burn, sweet burn!
Lobbo: Uh, that's all, Lobbo-Lobbo?
Fedulian: No. Remember I said I sold all those Plush Octopuses? Not so. I kept one and placed it by their front door as a revenge prank!
Lobbo: Hmm. Lobbo is certainly not a master of revenge, but these seem like weak retaliations, Lobbo-Lobbo.
Fedulian: I have... other plans. I wasn't going to reveal this, it's so heinous, But I own a bottle of syrup, and I plan to put some on their door. It will make the handle very sticky.
Lobbo: Why not talk to this Ton-Rap, Lobbo-Lobbo?
Fedulian: Directly face conflict? Absolutely not. You think I'd make it this far in business by facing my problems?
Lobbo: Hmm. Then time for our investigation to deepen, Lobbo-Lobbo.
Fedulian: (Gasps.) You're not going to speak directly to Ton-Rap?
Lobbo: Watch me, Lobbo-Lobbo!
(A door is knocked and opened.)
"Ton-Rap": Who is it? What do you want? I'm in the middle of eating a casserole.
Lobbo: I'm Lobbo, Lobbo-Lobbo.
"Ton-Rap": Listen, Lobbo-Lobbo-Lobbo, if the city sent you about the unpermitted tube slide Ton-Rap charges admission for in the parking lot, that was here when I moved in.
Lobbo: Uh, I'm not here about that. And my name is Lobbo, Lobbo-Lobbo.
"Ton-Rap": That's what I said, Lobbo-Lobbo-Lobbo.
Lobbo: No, just Lobbo, Lobbo-Lobbo.
"Ton-Rap": Am I going insane? I have no idea what's happening here.
Lobbo: Have we met before? You look... familiar, Lobbo-Lobbo.
"Ton-Rap": Impossible, Ton-Rap's never been here before a few weeks ago. Ton-Rap's from somewhere so far away that no one's ever, ever seen me, ever.
Lobbo: As an investigative reporter, I completely believe you. But what of the accusations Fedulian has made against you, Lobbo-Lobbo?
"Ton-Rap": Fedulian? For the All-Realm Antiques Emporium? Never heard of him. And certainly never hung up a slanderous sign or placed fuzzy sea creatures there. Why'd you even accuse me of that?
Lobbo: I didn't, Lobbo-Lobbo.
"Ton-Rap": Ah, you media types are all the same, twisting words to get Ton-Rap to admit he has a long-term plan to sabotage Fedulian and take his business. No way! Cuz Ton-Rap's an honest businessman, always have been, even back when I was a dragon hunter-ah-HUGGER, which was a real job in the distant land I am from.
Lobbo: Is that a plush octopus tentacle hanging out of your pants pocket, Lobbo-Lobbo?
"Ton-Rap": What? NO...no, it's my, uh, smartphone. Beep-boop-boop-beep, oh it's ringing, or giving me texts or something. Beep-boop, oh another one. I better go answer that, buzz.
Lobbo: Our listeners trust me, their investigative reporter, to get to the bottom of important stories, so I'll be blunt. Are you sabotaging Fedulian's store, Lobbo-Lobbo?
"Ton-Rap": No.
Lobbo: Well, there it is, I've uncovered the truth. Ton-Rap is innocent. I believe you, Lobbo-Lobbo.
"Ton-Rap": Oh... you do? Really?
Lobbo: Of course. Ton-Rap would never lie, right, Lobbo-Lobbo?
"Ton-Rap": Aren't that the truth? Oh beep-boop-beep-boop, important call on my soft smartphone, I better get this one, bye!
(Door slams.)
Lobbo: Well, listeners, this seems like a great place for our final segment: The Last Word, Lobbo-Lobbo.
(Serene music plays.)
Kreel: The Last Word.
Lobbo: If we've learnt anything today, it's that it can be hard to navigate who to trust. And since Lobbo cannot tell the difference between truth and lies, Lobbo tends to believe everything people tell him. Oh well, Lobbo-Lobbo!
(Crossroads' Crosstalk theme plays while Lobbo talks.)
Lobbo: Today's podcast was written, directed, produced, recorded, engineered, edited, mixed, mastered, released, and marketed by Lobbo, Lobbo-Lobbo.
(End of the episode. For more information, click here.)